Mr. Intellect and I....

What’s next?

Along with my winter blues and holiday struggles, I am having a difficult time evaluating what to do with Mr. Intellect.  Things progressed to a point where we’ve been dating now for about two months but I am not sure what to do next.  I enjoy spending time with him but I also miss my alone time.  I feel a bit strung out between work, my puppy, and Mr. Intellect and my mental health has been taking a toll.

Although I enjoy spending time with him and we are very compatible, there seems to be something missing between us.  Add to that, a few odd moments here and there, my thoughts of my ex, and suddenly I feel very empty inside. Part of me wants to end things but another equal part of me is scared to be entirely alone again.

As I’ve already said, I have little to no experience dating someone with no intentions of falling in love or getting married.  When I entered into this venture I said I wanted to find someone to spend some of my down time with and to really learn more about myself.  The biggest and most obvious goal is to completely get over my ex.  Kissing Mr. Intellect once a week certainly makes it easier to forget my ex.

But now, I’ve been thinking about my ex more and feeling less and less excited about Mr. Intellect.  I think I should catch and release except I am completely dreading having any sort of conversation with him about this.

How do we know when the time is right to end something?  How do I know whether this is a feeling that will pass or whether it’s time to take some me time? 

More so than the answers to these questions, I am having a constant back and forth in my head about whether I am always going to be this person now.  It took me a year to put my life back together and now I really enjoy my alone time.  I appreciate that my apartment can get messy but nobody will be there to see it.  I like spending my Friday nights in my yoga pants and eating chips and salsa for dinner. 

With the season being so busy,  the final push for hours at work before the new year, and many family obligations, I feel so tired all of the time.  Mr. Intellect is a great person and I am not sure whether to just give myself some time or broach the topic with him.  I just do not want to lead him on or cause anyone unnecessary pain.

 

 

 

 

As I continue to learn about myself and shake the dust off my dating skills, I guess this is the next step I need to conquer, releasing the catch back into the market.  Or maybe I won’t and I will continue to snuggle on these cold winter nights and wait until I am feeling more like myself.  I’ve taken a great bit of pride that I’ve been 100% honest with Mr. Intellect about my divorce and struggles with trust, so if starts to probe, I may just admit where I am at and let him make that decision too.

Time will tell what the future brings for us.  Right now, I am going to take it day by day and do some more focusing on making sure I get the things I need to be happy.  Lucky for me, this starts with a weekend in New York City to see my best friend from law school, followed by a night in Princeton with one of my other best friends!  Maybe all a girl needs is a good weekend with friends to really figure out what I want.