It almost ended...

He broke my glasses.

On the eve of Thanksgiving (forgive me for such an old post), Mr. Intellect had come into town to order dinner and watch a movie.  The night started off very poorly.  Mr. Intellect and I had decided to order sushi dinner.  The man was clearly famished and I was embarrassed to have very little in the way of food/appetizers/ anything in my house.  As a single lady, I can get by on just about anything in my fridge and am always satisfied with ordering sushi, pizza, or grabbing a sandwich or salad from local place.  I am easy breezy when it comes to food and rarely get that cranky tone due to hunger.  Mr. Intellect I was learning was not nearly as easy going…

With his hungry attitude, he began to attempt to order dinner.  Mr. Intellect works for a corporate company and enjoys all the perks of technology.  He has the sleekest mac air, the newest ipad, and the fanciest power charging case for his 5s Iphone.  I on the other hand am not so up to date on my gadgets.  I do not have a home laptop but rather use my old Ipad for any hands on internet needs.  My internet can be super slow at home and I am way too lazy to call Comcast and complain.  I work long hours and have never desired to bring any work station home with me.

As Mr. Intellect is techy savvy and very aware of good “userface abilities”, he immediately became even more frustrated with my “annoying devices.”  I was borderline offended because sorry we can’t all be given such cool things at our work and cannot afford to expend personally.  Secondly, I was not super hungry or in any rush to order food.  I tried to soothe him, “don’t let it bother you”, “calm down”, “it is fine”, “I can just call it in”.  He became even more mad and chastised me, “Why are you being so bossy?  I am trying to do something for you and you keep telling me how I am suppose to react when I am doing it.”

Whoa – here are the moments I do not miss about dating.  The moments where miscommunication and annoyances strike and suddenly ordering sushi has warped into accusations and some version of a disagreement.  I quickly apologized (always my go to move to avoid actual conflict) and fell silent.  Finally despite my old ipad and slow internet, he ordered sushi and simply said in ice cold tone, “food is on the way.”

I jumped up with enthusiasm and suggested I take Benny for his bedtime walk before the food arrived so we could enjoy it and relax once it got here.  Despite the cold temperatures and awkwardness between us, Mr. Intellect offered to come along.  We took Benny for his ten minute walk and I had begun to salvage the rough start.  We found conversation and held hands as we returned to my apartment.

When we got inside, I began to take off my jacket, scarf and gloves at the table, when suddenly Mr. Intellect yells, “Damn it, Benny” and Benny offers an immediate whimper of pain.  I turn around alarmed that anyone would yell at my adorable pup, moreover cause him some sort of pain!  Benny is on the ground looking alarmed and sad.  Mr. Intellect is holding his head and looks very disoriented.  Someone just yelled at my baby love so I am angry!

“What happened?”, I asked as I immediately lean towards Benny to make sure he is okay after such a brutal verbal accusation.  Mr. Intellect mumbles, “He hit my head.  Hard.  I literally see stars.” Now that I’ve finally looked at Mr. Intellect, I can tell the man is really hurting.

“Shit.  He broke my f*%king glasses.”  Ut oh.  This had turned awful fast.  Mr. Intellect being so trendy and successful has awesome glasses.  They are large frames.  Plus he has a face that craves glasses, he looks naked without his glasses, the man wears his glasses 24 hours a day.  Mr. Intellect is the type of guy to the know the brand and make of his glasses.  (Salt - Darby)

 

 

I sit down next to him and stroke his back.  I apologize in every possible way that I can for the loss of his glasses and ask him if he needs anything for the pain.  To add insult he only says one thing, “Those were very expensive glasses.”

I am no fool.  I wear glasses.  I know a nice set of frames can cost you a pretty penny.  Moreover, I know that Mr. Intellect tastes are not cheap. I knew his glasses were expensive from the moment I need them and don’t want to feel even worse for this accident.  “Let me write you a check right now for your glasses” I plead.

He looked at me angry at this offer.  “I don’t want your money.”  As if me offering him money had been the wrong response.  I spoke too quickly, “Well I don’t want you holding this over my head or Benny’s head, so just let me pay.”

“You are honestly concerned I may hold a grudge against your dog.  That’s what motivated you. Don’t worry about my f*%king glasses.”  Wow – this was going so bad.  And then the sushi arrived.  At that exact moment where the only words left in the room were “f*%king glasses….”

After we ate the most uncomfortable dinner, Mr. Intellect finally said, “It’s over.  Let’s not talk about my glasses ever again.  It is over and I am not mad at Benny.  It was the pure definition of an accident.  I leaned down, he jumped up, couldn’t have been prevented.  But let’s not talk about it again. Ever again”

Oh great.  Perfect.  Glad that it is settled.  Somehow the way he said it was apparent that these glasses were going to be a huge factor in our future.  Mr. Intellect doesn’t live in Philadelphia so whenever he comes for dates there is a mutual understanding that he will be spending the night.  At 10:30 P.M. he said, are you sure I shouldn’t try for the 11:15 P.M. train.  My heart was crushed but I didn’t want things to end this poorly.  I convinced him to stay.  We drank too much wine and went to bed without so much as a sexy kiss.

My family and I laughed endlessly the next morning at the Thanksgiving dinner table.  My grandmother could not help but see the humor in Benny’s rambunctious behavior and his complete lack of awareness of what he had done.  My parents advised anyone who doesn’t like Benny won’t last long anyway.  Benny had become my dating body guard.  But was he right?  Should I end things?

The next day I got a text from Mr. Intellect, “No more awesome glasses.  Girl’s dog jumped into my face and broke them.  WTF.  Happy Thanksgiving to me.”  Obviously this message was meant for someone else.   I replied back “Girl also mentioned she was incredibly sorry and offered to pay.”  Mr. Intellect was caught red handed.  He had seriously referred to me as girl after two months of dating and obviously this glasses thing was not over.

After many calls to my insurance company, I was able to have Mr. Intellect glasses paid for under my renter insurance.  I was thrilled with this news.  Benny could no longer be blamed.  It had taken me 4 long phone calls and lots of discussion with customer service to get this non covered claim covered anyway because it was really stressing me out! 

When I phoned Mr. Intellect, he was not that excited at all.  Granted it was now over a month later and we had never once mentioned the glasses again (as he so clearly desired).  He was surprised, “Oh you still worry about that.” Umm, yes I do! Like every time you say you can read something because you don’t have your glasses, I feel bad. 

Mr. Intellect received a large check to replace his classes on January 4.  He has still not replaced his glasses.  Oh the joys of dating and dog owning.  I am glad we didn’t break up because of Benny and realized that life is full of uncomfortable moments – with dating – with friends – with family, but you have to learn to push through.  Decide which relationships are worth fighting for and which problems you are responsible to fix.  Don’t let the guilt own you.  Accidents happen!

In sum, I didn’t want to stop dating a great guy because we had one weird night and my dog broke his glasses.  But at the same time, it was really uncomfortable, made me feel really vulnerable, and would have probably been easier just to have ended things right then and there.  For me getting his glasses replaced with minimal amounts of drama was extreme growth.

Oh Benjamin – what will you do next? 

  

 

 

Man of the Hour

 

Meet Benny

To complete enjoy some of the humor and predicaments that I’ve had with my new romance, I must first introduce the man that steals my heart on a daily basis, my dog Benjamin.

Benny is an eighteen month old cocker spaniel.  I am an animal lover and have wanted to get a dog since I graduated college.  With the strains of law school and then the rapid demise of my marriage, no time had ever presented itself to make this major decision.  After I separated from my husband, I was so lonely.  I craved his warm body.  I wanted companionship. 

After the initial trauma had worn off and I moved back to Philadelphia in a place of my own, I began to contemplate getting another dog.  At that time, I was still very untrusting, recuse, and still insanely indecisive.  This decision would last 8-12 years if I was lucky and it was not something I entered into quickly.  No joke – I spent two hours with my therapist weighing the pros and cons before committing to get a dog.  Finally, she advised me that I love to love and would be so happy with the constant unconditional love a dog offered.  Besides she laughed, some of her best relationships had been with the familial dog.

My divorce papers arrived on a Monday and by that Thursday I had found Benny’s adorable soft and cuddly face online.  He was living 4 hours away but there was no doubt in my mind those eight pounds of cuteness would make me smile every morning.  Saturday my mom, brother and I made the trek to the country lands and Amish country in Pennsylvania.  The entire drive I shouted various names out to decide what would suit this little love creature.  I knew it had to be a man’s name.  I needed a man to love me after all and already envisioned all the creative hashtags that would work better with a real name verses some animal name.

 

As soon as I saw that little guy with mischief in his eyes there was no doubt in my mind he was a Benjamin.  And so began my journey with Benny and our loving relationship.  Benny quickly adjusted from farm life to city living.  We conquered potty training in just two months despite the long elevator ride of nine floors and first real tree being over a block away.  My kind neighbors and elevator friends laughed when he peed on their shoes and smiled as he licked their legs endlessly.  His happy trot on busy streets always made me laugh  - rain, sleet or snow.

Prior to getting Benny, I could walk my neighborhood and never speak to a single soul.  Benny is nothing but personality.  He quickly made friends with local construction workers who after weeks of morning greetings were soon bringing him treats for breakfast.  It wasn’t long before he had more than one homeless friend who enjoyed the sweet loving kisses from Mr. B.   He was friends with ballerinas, barristers, truck drivers, college kids, retired men, and bouncers.  In just a few weeks, I found myself forced backed into society and no longer able to spend my days in tears.  Plus it was just impossible not to laugh at Benny’s energy and excitement. And his eyes - he has the beautiful eyes.

I am a major cuddle monster.  I love to snuggle, I love to cuddle, I need to touch – I’ve read the books, call me a golden retriever kind of lover, physical touch is my love language – put straight, I never get tired of rubbing up close!  No surprise then my puppy became my favorite snuggle bug.  Although he went from eight pounds to thirty three, he has always been encouraged in my bed.  I love when he nudges my legs in his sleep or comes up close on cold nights. 

 

Simply put, this little guy does not wrong in my eye and can go anywhere in my apartment.  We spend long hours watching movies and tv that first winter.  We learned different games and developed habits he still does to this day.  He loves to play hide and seek and can chase a ball over and over again.  He loves to share a bag of popcorn and is always up for a short jog.  He likes to sit on my feet - while I blow dry my hair, while I work, while we ride the elevator - always close me .

To his credit, he is wonderfully behaved.  He rides solo while I am at work and takes long naps on his comfortable bed.  He never causes mischief, he doesn’t bark, and he is so not into chewing anything that isn’t his.  He rarely has accidents in the house and doesn’t eat food that isn’t his.

But Benny is a brute!  He has such a personality and he loves me more than life itself.  He doesn’t know any commands other than sit which he will only do if it promises a treat – not because you want him to.  He walks on his leash but he is very easily distracted by skateboarders, loud cars, butterflies, blowing leaves, other dogs, and anything else that may catch his eager eyes attention.  He doesn’t understand boundaries and hates to be alone.

Prior to Mr. Intellect, Benny was the only man in my life.  My friend once told me the Norah Jones “Man of the Hour” reminded her of me and B.  Since then, I love to serenade by little friend in the mornings when we wake up.  Simply put, Benny is extremely important to me.  He is the last thing I say good night to before I sleep, and the first thing I get to wake up in the morning.  He is good to me.  He protects me.  He makes me smile and never makes me cry.  He does no wrong in my eyes and I am entirely blinded by my love for him. 

 

Maybe you can tell what’s coming, but Benny and Mr. Intellect didn’t quite fit together so seamlessly...and well Benny isn’t going anywhere….these puppy eyes are just too much to handle.

 

Custodia legis

Where did the time go?

It has been so long since I posted and so many high, lows, and laughs to report on in the very near future.  My January was dedicated entirely to my job and I knew it would be ahead of time.  I was committed to working seven days a week from January 2-February 5^th and almost made it.  While I did take a few Saturday entirely off, work had primarily taken over my life. 

I am a young attorney and enjoy my position very much.  I am very blessed to be working with a  small firm and have a great deal of responsibilities and opportunities despite my minimum experience.  On my calendar, I had four arbitrations beginning January 17 and ending February 5.  To give perspective, on average I had done one arbitration every 4-6 months and my last one before a panel had been an entire year ago.  Add to that the anticipation of my annual review and trying to balance a new relationship, the month came and went in a blur.

Sometimes I realize I take for granted my position.  I once told my friend how bored I was working and disappointed that I only had the opportunity to get out of the office 3-4 days a month.  She admonished my disappointment pointing out how amazing it was that I had three to four day a month where I experienced a passion and adrenaline for something I loved.  She reminded me some people were never so lucky to ever reach a career which offered such opportunities and beyond that I had found one that offered me a rush of exhilaration three to four times a month.  (p.s. I mentioned I had such wise friends in earlier post, let me footnote to this to say my friend is awesome and close enough to give it to me straight but wrapped in love/support.)

I love lawyering.  I love the organization and efforts that go into preparing a case for trial or arbitration.  As I sit at that table with my documents before me, my witnesses in the room, and notes of what I am going to say, I feel an adrenaline rush soaring from my mouth to my toes.  While always half on the verge of letting the nausea fully take over and half on the urge of running away, there is an eagerness I can’t find anywhere else.  Part of me feelings like I am preparing for war – my binder is full of strategies and maneuvers and despite my large ammunition I must decide which moves to make and when to fire.  When I stand, I feel confident, I feel tall, I feel prepared to articulate my opinions in persuasive ways.  I am focused on the themes of my presentation, the explanation of arguments that I’ve said a half dozen times before today, and the desired result.

Then there is the fear of losing that can set it.  The acceptance of the subjective point of view.  The realization that you can do everything in your power to win a case and despite your best efforts, the Judge, the Jury, the Arbitrators will disagree.  This part of the law never gets an easier to accept.  Imaging pouring your energy and efforts into a case and knowing there was nothing more you could do to change the outcome. 

This is where I’ve been these past few weeks.  I’ve been living with the highs and lows of litigation.  I am constantly realizing how much of the law I still have to learn and often overwhelmed by how many tasks lie before me.  I worked hard and long.  I prepared cases that settled on the eve of arbitration, I celebrated a victory in an arbitration, I am anticipating a loss in one result to come, and I am waiting as the final one was continued. 

The glaring result of the past 6 weeks is that if I pure my heart, my soul, and all my energy into my legal career, I will not be satisfied.  Although the wins are great and the good days better, I know deep down I want more.  I want to celebrate with my friends and continue to have meaningful and rewarding friendships.  I want to grow in my faith and feel at peace internally.  I want to make time to stay physically fit and keep my body strong and healthy. 

I want to find someone to share every blessing, every opportunity, every disappointment and every celebration.  My love for the law is deep and I think our relationship is just at the beginning.  We get each other.  We spend long hours together.  We make each other laugh.  I feel challenged when I am with the law.  The feeling I get standing before my feet and arguing to a group of strangers can keep me on fire for days and days.  I cannot wait to experience a jury trial and still jump out of bed just to argue a motion. But if all I do is love the law, the law will leave me lonely.  The law doesn’t hold you when you feeling down.  The law doesn’t praise you and celebrate with you.  The law holds your flaws against you.  The law doesn’t forgive your mistakes.

This legal mind is not far enough gone not to realize the law won’t give it all to me.  That said, I am so glad the law is in my life.  The law makes me excited.  The law gets me out of bed.  The law makes sense.  The law presents such opportunities.  The law and I have just brushed the surface.  I still want more though. 

Cognito ergo sum.