Espionage & Cuban Food

                                                     DATE 2 with Mr. Intellect

            “Can I see you this weekend?”  Followed by, “Hope you like Cuban food and espionage!”  This is how he asked me out and the hint he gave me towards the weekend date.

            Date 2 with Mr. Intellect was wonderful!  Again I was entirely way too nervous for this date.  On some levels I even wanted to cancel because I was exhausted and the date had not even started yet.  First – I decided I need to do a total refresher cleaning of my apartment during the week leading up to the date.  And unfortunately I do not do a total clean of my apartment very often.  Between working fifty plus hours, doing all my laundry, and all my chores – this date was beginning to seem more like a hassle than a fun adventure.  And oh the hours stressed about for the perfect second date outfit.  I went with the below because the weather was so perfectly fall that boots and a scarf were required. 

 

            But luckily I grudged on and was very caffeinated and primped when he picked me up at 5:30.  Within minutes of walking with him throughout the city, I am immediately felt at easy and so silly for my earlier anxiety.

 

 

            We headed to the museum for the espionage exhibit.  Again I felt a bit nervous.  Was this going to be fun? Could we get through a whole museum exhibit with no alcohol? Why were there so many children running around this museum?  But again – I was quickly amazed at how quickly conversation flowed.  He is extremely intellectual and could tell me stories about the specific spies often citing prior books he read or documentary he had seen.  I on the other hand kept focusing on how cool the gadgets were and my life skills which would have made me an incredible spy ;-)

            After an hour of walking through the exhibit, we headed out of the museum but not before sneaking past a few closed doors to see some of the other exhibits which had closed at 5:00.  Something about the sneakiness and the thrill of being in this huge museum alone was so fun!  Now off to our dinner reservations.

            Big winning moment for Mr. Intellect.  While walking from museum to dinner, he noticed I was a bit chilly and immediately offered to swing by my house for a jacket before dinner.  Ladies this may seem like a small gesture but I was so taken back by his concern for me and his want to make sure I was comfortable.  It felt so darn good to have someone thinking about me like that and also so unfamiliar all at once.

            Dinner was great and he was very easy to talk with.  We continued to laugh through dinner.  He ordered us some great food and a pitcher of Sangria.  By the time the check came, I didn’t even pretend to reach because it was so obvious that he was going to be paying. 

            He ended dinner by announcing it was time that we head home and check on my puppy.  I am sure he probably knew what he was doing on some levels, but I ate it up entirely.  An interesting, caring man and he wanted to hang out with my puppy – this evening was going great.

            Mr. Intellect ending up staying at my home for hours and hours.  We lingered over a bottle of wine and ended up turning on one of my favorite movies.  After what seemed like forever he finally kissed me.  Mr. Intellect has the moves to go with his seniority over me and was nothing but a gentleman.  Kept it classy and only kissed! 

            His physique is totally my type.  Tall, slender and strong!  When he finally left, he promised to take me out again next weekend and told me he would miss me in between!  Hold on ladies because I am so totally smitten with Mr. Intellect and can’t wait for our next date.

            Trying to remain level headed and stay in the moment.  There were a few red flags and I must remember I am not really looking for my true “match” right now.  I am on a quest to find myself and figure out what I like.  One things for sure, I do enjoy kissing good looking men and going out on Saturday night dates ;)

Single, Married, or Divorced?

SINGLE, MARRIED, DIVORCED OR WIDOWED

            Single, Married, Divorced or Widowed?  This question appears on almost every legal form, medical questionnaire, and online dating profile.  The question appears everywhere – on documents, from friends, from doctors, from strangers, from realtors, from bankers, from priests, and from co-workers.

            In the months immediately following my divorce, this question haunted me.  How could I so easily have gone from the “happily” married box to the now divorced box?  And which box was in fact the correct one.  I wasn’t legally divorced yet, should I write married?  If I was divorced, wouldn’t I be single?  How was this really happening to me?  More importantly, how am I still stuck on the very first question of this damn document.

The question made me angry.  First, from a very logical stand point, if I am divorced I am therefore single.  Right?  I am divorced meaning I am single.  Is this some sort of bar exam question where I am suppose to pick the answer which is more correct than the rest.  I see two right answers.  Yes – I am divorced!  Which means that I am therefore SINGLE.  Why piece of paper, lawyers, banker, doctor, do you want to know that I was divorced?

And that brings me to the biggest problem with the question.  Why do people want to know?  I’m not sure I know the answer and I know it depends on the situations because sometimes there may be very logical reasons to need to know that. (i.e. taxes).  But for me this is such a personal piece of information, a vicious memory from my past, something that does not seem relevant for some relatively new person in my life.

For me, my divorce is a scar.  A remembrance of a youthful love filled with mistakes and tribulations.  I’ve never encountered anyone who has looked down on me or judged me for my divorce, but I’ve sat around many conversations and heard people comment about other people who are divorced.  “They got married too young.”  “I’m not surprised – I saw it coming.”  “I just can’t believe it – I always thought they were happy” and so on and so forth.  The bottom line is rarely does think positive thoughts about divorce.  It’s either judgment or sympathy.

The very first question on my online dating profile is ever been married?  I lied.  Well at first, I was truthful but that it became a somewhat paranoia that maybe men were judging me based on this piece of criteria which did not really fit me.  I never wanted my divorce.  I fought hard for my marriage.  I offered my ex forgiveness in a time of deep deep pain.  I tried.  I tried so damn hard.  And why should random men on an online dating profile get to judge me because my ex refused to live up to the commitments he made? 

I am usually such an honest person.  But this question.  It makes me lie more often than not.  I know that the next man that loves me will love me despite my past and understand that I was incapable of saving my marriage, not because I didn’t want to but because you can’t change how another person feels.  I can forgive myself for the mistakes I made.  I know that I did everything I could do.

P.s.  I always answer SINGLE.  Those people don’t get to know all my secrets just yet!

 

My First Date....

MY FIRST DATE….in a really long time

To say I was nervous for this date would be a severe understatement.  The walk towards the wine and cheese bar we had chosen was filled with queezy nausea feelings.  Immediately my mind travels to my ex and the decisions he has made.  Why am I even dating again?  Why can’t I just be married?  How the hell am I suppose to start this all over again?  In an attempt to keep those feelings remised, I quickly throw in my headphones and relied on one of my go to break-up songs and send a few last minute nervous texts to my best friends.  At least I loved my outfit.....

 

And then I arrived and wow he was cute.  Really CUTE!  Our initial interactions were easy and flowed so much better than I had expected.  We sat down to a table and quickly ordered wine.  As I described myself, my life, and my past activities, I was suddenly filled with an indescribable feeling.  PRIDE.  I was actually proud of my accomplishments, my achievements and the stature I had achieved in my life. 

I realized I LOVE first dates, relying on much of my educational training and career experience, this first date flowed similar to a successful interview.  The more wine, the more I chatted telling funny stories of my past, explaining my job, and going into endless details about my co-workers.  (Note – I also realized I talk a lot! Add in three glasses of wine, and I can barely keep my mouth shut).

Mr. Intellect (#D1) was great.  He was tall, handsome, and athletic.  He kept good eye-contact throughout the date.  He was educated, well spoken and interesting.  He quickly put me at ease and was obviously entertained by unearthly inability to stop talking!  He had all the right moves!  Being that we met online, I was a little weary of letting him know too much personal information about myself. But after three glasses of wine, three hours of talking, and a nice walk towards my neighborhood, I invited him to join me in walking my puppy for his evening stroll.  He quickly agreed. (Bonus points for him liking my puppy ;)

Since our first date, he has texted and called.  Date two is on the horizon.  The most refreshing thing about Mr. Intellect so far is his maturity.  My ex was a man child and our courting all occurred on a graduate school budget. 

Mr. Intellect is definitely a man so it is time to start stepping up my womanly skills.  Goals for the week are finding the perfect date 2 outfit and making my apartment acceptable for a man’s review;)

The biggest take away from my first date is that dating is FUN.  Dating is meant to be FUN.  Albeit a constant struggle, but if I can remain in the moment and appreciate things for what they are, I have the opportunity for potential growth and happiness.  My ex was awful but at least he gave me the chance to go out and meet someone who does appreciate me!

 

 

Online Dating

I’VE STARTED ONLINE DATING

            After months of encouragement and endless “I know someone who met their husband on one of those websites”, I finally decided to make my match.com profile.

(1)   Making the profile

Let me tell you, making an online profile was not an easy task for me.  Describing myself and my ideal match was not something that quickly rolled off my tongue.  More importantly, it made me really take time to evaluate what it is I wanted from my future mate and what I had to offer this mate of mine.  It has made me quite self-aware, constantly asking myself, what would make me happy? Am I happy now? Do I like nights out at the bar? Do I like live music?  What do I like to do and is that the person I want to be.

My strategy has been to keep my profile brief.  Using the old adage from graduate school, “show don’t tell”.  Instead of being outgoing, I am someone who can engage in conversations with anyone.  Instead of being fun, I am someone who believes in laughter every day.  I’ve tried to be very honest and highlight the importance of my friends and puppy!

(2)   Realistic Expectations

I am constantly setting quantifiable goals.  When I first entered the website, I had this idea that my inbox would be flooded with messages from prospective candidates.  After all, my married friends had told me constantly, “Your young, your beautiful, your successful, any guy would be lucky to have you.”  WRONG!  I’ve been on the site for about a month and have received very few messages from men.  And of those messages received, none have been interesting to me.  But rather than let this activity crush my ego, I have decided that my goal in this online dating is to find me, reward me, and discover what I want in the future.  At first, I committed to sending 5 e-mails a day but that was nuts!  Now, my goal is to send 5 e-mails per week and trust that I will get responses from some interested guys.

More to follow as the dates start to occur (hopefully)….one things for sure, online dating and online shopping sure do have a lot in common.

 

ABOUT ME

            I am young, single, divorced, and on the perpetual hope for happiness.  This is my blog about what it’s like to live in the city, return to the dating world, and recover from a broken heart. 

I am currently in the second half of my twenties, inching closer and closer to the inevitable thirty.  I returned to Philadelphia for graduate school and live in center city with my fabulous puppy.

I was married young and divorced shortly thereafter.  Despite the shortness of my marriage, the treacherous heartbreak I felt was debilitating for some time.  As time has passed and wounds have healed, I realize my story is not that unique and I hope this blog can be a resource for similar people who have struggled through divorce.  Many friends and family tried to comfort me repeatedly saying that “with no kids and no house” my divorce was really a glorified break-up.  Unfortunately, this felt so far from a break up and really shattered my core.  I hope my story helps brings comfort to others during times of heartache and/or divorce.

            I’ve recently returned to the dating world.  After being separated from my ex for over 18 months, the time has come for me to really get back on the saddle.  Prepare yourself readers, I prepare to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of dating in a city.  For the first time in my life, I am ready to date and really get back out on the saddle.