I want “that.”
After a few days of a drastic phase out from Mr. Intellect –
slow responses to text messages, no more snap chats, no more phone calls, I
quickly went into panic mode. While I
was not in love with Mr. Intellect, I still hate endings and I hate
uncertainty. The pure unknown of it all
was giving me massive anxiety and I suddenly felt like I was flailing my arms
for his attention.
I finally asked him to call me. We spoke for about ten minutes, small talk
with lots of laughing, and then the conversation grew quiet. I pushed forward – “What’s going on with
us? I feel like you are pulling back and
suddenly becoming distant. If you don’t
want to date me anymore, just tell me that.
Just say, I don’t want to date you anymore. But you and I, Mr. Intellect, handle
uncomfortable situations all the time with work and for 8 months have been
entirely honest with each other, so just tell me if that is what you want.”
“I want that.” - Mr.
Intellect, the communication major, was suddenly without words. I was sad immediately and I am the emotional
type, so I stifled some tears. On the
other hand, I was ready for this. I had
anticipated this. It logically made
sense, he was 90 minutes away in NYC and I was content as can be in
Philadelphia.
With my new sense of maturity and confidence, I knew I didn’t
want things to end with this weird conversation and me stifling tears. I knew from the phase out this was coming and
I knew he and I were way better and too mature for a simple phase out.
I took a deep breath and poured my heart. I thank Mr. Intellect for everything he had
done for me and told him I felt more whole now than when I began this
relationship. He had helped me rebuild
my confidence and if I was completely honest, he had helped me come to better
terms with my divorce and get over my ex.
He was such a wonderfully kind mature man, I was certain I could never
date anyone under 30 ever again. And
gosh, he was sexy. His muscles made me
weak in the knees and I was so happy to have all of the fond memories that made
my prior relationship look utterly unsatisfying in stark comparison.
He was really surprised with my kind words. He said I was the nicest person he had ever
broken up with and he really even hated ending things. He confessed he had wanted to end things ever
since he moved in March but each time we hung out it ended up being so fun that
he didn’t have the nerve to call it off.
In this regard, I think he did me wrong.
He let me believe we had a future and even made plans to celebrate our
birthdays together all the while knowing he was waiting to break up with
me.
Mr. Intellect told me he had never dated anyone with such a
pure kind soul and was confident I would exceed all expectations in my
professional career. He entered our
relationship still caught on his ex and dealing with his own emotional
struggles, and felt like I helped in along the way. He felt more alive now than ever and thanked
me for waking up parts of his body and soul.
He would certainly miss me but knew that with his love for NYC and my
love for Philadelphia, it was better to end things before one of us got really
hurt.
I was feeling great about the conversation. We both had given the other closure and
praise. And then he asked, “Are you going to be okay, dear?”
I suddenly couldn’t muffle the tears. I couldn’t find the words to respond. I took deep breaths but still had nothing
intelligent to say back. I laughed at my
own emotional state and told him of course I would be okay but not today and
maybe not tomorrow. He had raised the
standards for me in my life of what I want in a long term mate and I couldn’t deny
a feeling of anxiety that I would never meet someone who would hold me so tight
and loved cuddling more than me.
He laughed. You are
one of kind my dear and you will find someone who does all those things and
more and at least likes Philadelphia ;).
I don’t regret a thing about the relationship. It was exactly what I needed when I needed
it. I am sad but not heart broken. I am generally just bummed about the end but
in my own way relieved of the burden of continuously driving up to NYC. Summer has arrived and Philadelphia has
endless possibilities of entertainment and fun.
I will miss him though.
In the 3rd snowiest winter of Philadelphia, he was my warm
blanket. He got me through my most
dreaded season, he distracted me through another set of holidays single, and
helped me regain my confidence. I tried
so many new things and feel like I’ve learned so much about myself in the
process.
When I first started dating again, my only goal was to
date. Just to get out there and meet new
people and try new things. I exceeded my
goals. I did so much more than that – I allowed
myself to become vulnerable, I opened up to another person, I trusted another
person, and I really finally got over my dumb lame man-child of an
ex-husband. I was honest with my
feelings, I maintained my independence, I never chose Mr. Intellect over any of
my friends, and I continued to put friends and family first.
It’s over but I am going to be okay and now back to the
dating scene. (who knows maybe my blog will become more interesting;)).
P.s. This article
pretty much sums up exactly how I felt when people gave me these “comforting”
words. http://thoughtcatalog.com/almie-rose/2014/04/5-things-you-absolutely-do-not-say-to-someone-who-just-got-dumped/
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