Three Years Ago...

Three years ago today I was married.   While this date marks a somewhat bleak memory for me, I am proud of the person I’ve become and the life I have created.  I am the way I am because of the things I went through.  Now three years later, I am most amazed not in the way my life has changed but in the ways that I have changed as an individual.

1.      I am stronger.

·         Both physically and mentally.  My arms, legs, and abs are stronger than three years ago but more importantly mentally I feel strong.  When I was with my ex, so much of my mood/energy was spent try to please him that I lost myself and lost ability to care for myself.  Emotionally I feel more stable than ever and stronger enough to handle what comes before me.  In a lot of ways, I can say, well it can’t be as bad as that time my ex…and man he left the list so open with all the awful things he did to me in the final six months of our relationships.  If I got through that hellish battle without harming him or myself, I can handle what comes next.

2.      I am stylish.

·         Okay – I am not really stylish but I’ve embraced my style.  My ex was flashy/trendy/and oh so cool.  It made me feel this pressure to wear certain things or highlight my inability to choose outfits/items that flattered me. I may not be stylish now but I am comfortable in my choices.  Still torn between I’m too old for that outfit but too young for shorts than long, I’ve found myself choosing more mature and flattering items.  I know my body shape, I know what works, I know what makes me feel sexy inside, and I know the difference between when I should and should not wear a certain item. 

3.      I am more decisive.

·         Decisions have always plagued me.  I blame it on the left side of my brain/ analytical side.  I had/have a tendency to overthink my decisions and would have “buyers remorse” even if it was not a purchase, regretting a night out or a decision to go out to dinner.  While I still can overthink a decision, I have learned to trust myself more.  Trust that I will make a good decision or that the decision is final and just roll with the punches.  This is a much better way to live.

4.      I am empathetic.

·         This was huge for me.  I was always empathetic to people going through real struggle – job loss, deaths, illness.  But it was the everyday occurrences that I never really found myself empathizing with that has changed.  I feel bad for people going through heart break or family struggles.  I can sympathize with the feeling of loneliness and constant running around of life.  I no longer think my problems are any worse than others but rather feel connected to a community of people with similar and repeat issues.  Everyone has their own baggage.  Thinking about someone else’s walk has provided me for patience in my everyday activites.

5.      I am (more) easy going.

·         I am Type A personality.  There is no denying that.  But I’ve learned to keep my Type A personality to things where it is needed and to release it when it is not needed.  When I relax, I relax!  I don’t feel the need to make constant plans for each and every day.  When things go wrong, I can more easily roll with the punches.  My temper has dramatically subsided and things are much easier to keep in perspective.

6.      I am independent.

·         In three years I’ve come a long way.  I have my own apartment and I pay my own bills.  I’m a single puppy momma to a loving and well trained dog.  I can go to a bar and have dinner alone.  If I see an interesting event in the city, I am not afraid to attend alone.  I go to church regularly.  I make my own happiness a priority.

7.      I know I am loved.

·         How is that I got married and still had doubts about whether I was truly loved?  Maybe that was a huge sign that I should not have gotten married but hindsight is always 20:20.  Going through such a remarkable crisis allowed me to truly see who stood by me, supported me, and held me along the way.  Despite being single, I feel more loved now than I ever felt in that empty relationship. I am confident in my friendships and completely myself.  My support net is not only wide but deep.  The ones that love me do so unconditionally and without fail.  I am so glad I was rejected so that I could fully feel the other love that surrounded me.  Knowing I am loved by so many gives me confidence to know I will be loved again by someone special.

8.      I love myself.

·         One of the hardest lessons from my failed marriage was accepting my own mistakes and flaws which played into the divorce.  In retrospect, I was not happy (probably because I was with the wrong person!) and at times I was difficult to be around.  I thought my ex could make me feel loved without actually loving myself.  Now, I see myself through a different lenses and it is only because of my divorce.  I try to be a good friend to myself, I try to be supportive of myself and use positive language rather than a list of all the things I am not.  I am inherently kind, loyal, and passionate about becoming the best version of myself. 

9.      I stand taller.

·         Literally, I work on my posture much more now that I am single than when I was with someone.  But also figuratively, I feel so proud of my accomplishments in my legal profession and personal life and no longer feel trapped in someone’s shadow of success.

10.  I am faster.

·         In past two years, I’ve taken about a minute off my mile time and to me this matters.  I’m passionate about my health and appearance because it is important to me not because I want someone else’s praise/compliments.  I’ve learned what brings me enjoyment in exercising and find it to be a major stress reliever.  Gone are my days of competing and playing sports – running, jogging and pilates make me happy.   I’ve always been someone who exercised but in the past two years, I have really understood the massive mental health benefits that come from regular/consistent exercise and will always make it a priority in my life.