March Update

Fast forward….

Fast forward to present situation.  Mr. Intellect and I had a wonderful winter – we drank so many bottles of wine, ordered sushi, watched movies, went dancing, and more and more I found myself shedding my old worries and embracing my true self.  I feel like I’ve been the most authentic version of myself and am happy and pleased with the way he treated me and the way I treated him.  I can look back with no regrets at way I handled things with him.

In December, he mentioned he would likely be moving March 1 to NYC.  He was commuting to NYC for work already and long term he needed to be in NYC.  At the time he told me I was still uncertain about our future and offered support but didn’t really express any emotions about the move.  I was supportive stating his commute would be much more manageable after he moved.

He never mentioned it again until Valentine’s Day.  2 weeks before his move date he reminded me that he planned to move March 1.  This time I knew how I felt about the move and was not happy he was leaving.  I would love to say I handled the news week but after lots of wine I was quick to be mean admonishing him not discussing it with me or even considering me before moving.

He responded that I was certainly a factor for his move but that he and I both knew I had “trust issues.”  He even baited me saying if I asked him to delay his move 6 months so we could evaluate our situation, he would gladly delay.  Now I suspect Mr. Intellect would not have delayed his move for me and he was merely bluffing on my very known insecurities.

In his drunkenness he made it quite simple for me, “Let’s not get dramatic.  Neither of us knows what the future will hold.  I like you a lot and will miss you. Let’s at least try to see each other once or twice after I move and then who knows….”

Who knows is right!  He came into town on Tuesday and we had too much fun! Same old same old – walking Benny, eating Sushi, lots of wine, and lots of kissing ;)  I was happy to tell him I really would miss him and hated that he was moving.  He had been so patient with me this past few months and I really feel like the best version of myself than I have ever portrayed before and I know part of that has to do with how accepting and easy going he is. 

Being a man - instead of immediately saying he would miss me, he kept making comments about other guys I would date and when I would return to match.com.  I pushed back that I did not see myself immediately trying to fill the void and would definitely need time to mourn his loss and spend time working on me.

He told me he saw something special in me that wasn’t present in other woman.  He would miss me too and didn’t want to say any official good-byes. We had a great night both offering lots of kind words and affirmations to each other.  For the first time since he has been spending the night, I actually got a good night sleep and woke up snuggled in his arms rather than snuggled with my puppy on the opposite side of the bed. 

He woke up first and quickly showered and got ready for work.  In my grogginess, I hopped in the shower right behind him.  When I got out I was still in my towel when he had to walk out the door.  He gave me an extra-long hug, whispered he would miss me and hoped to see me soon and vanished into the darkness…

What’s next? How do I feel? Who knows?!?!

Since we’ve started dating, I’ve taken a day by day approach – a date by date approach- and I am not going to change the script this late into the game.  I want to make sure I articulate my honest feelings for him but I am not quite sure I know what I want just now.  For now, I’m settled into taking a trip up to NYC (a mere 90 mins away and/or 3 train transfers!) and we shall see.

This was the first weekend without him and I certainly missed him more than expected…Oh Mr. Intellect what have you done to this level headed guarded lady?

 

Today is a gift and tomorrow is a mystery.  For now, I am going to keep focusing on the fun to be had and trying to free myself of knowing what is to come next...