It almost ended...

He broke my glasses.

On the eve of Thanksgiving (forgive me for such an old post), Mr. Intellect had come into town to order dinner and watch a movie.  The night started off very poorly.  Mr. Intellect and I had decided to order sushi dinner.  The man was clearly famished and I was embarrassed to have very little in the way of food/appetizers/ anything in my house.  As a single lady, I can get by on just about anything in my fridge and am always satisfied with ordering sushi, pizza, or grabbing a sandwich or salad from local place.  I am easy breezy when it comes to food and rarely get that cranky tone due to hunger.  Mr. Intellect I was learning was not nearly as easy going…

With his hungry attitude, he began to attempt to order dinner.  Mr. Intellect works for a corporate company and enjoys all the perks of technology.  He has the sleekest mac air, the newest ipad, and the fanciest power charging case for his 5s Iphone.  I on the other hand am not so up to date on my gadgets.  I do not have a home laptop but rather use my old Ipad for any hands on internet needs.  My internet can be super slow at home and I am way too lazy to call Comcast and complain.  I work long hours and have never desired to bring any work station home with me.

As Mr. Intellect is techy savvy and very aware of good “userface abilities”, he immediately became even more frustrated with my “annoying devices.”  I was borderline offended because sorry we can’t all be given such cool things at our work and cannot afford to expend personally.  Secondly, I was not super hungry or in any rush to order food.  I tried to soothe him, “don’t let it bother you”, “calm down”, “it is fine”, “I can just call it in”.  He became even more mad and chastised me, “Why are you being so bossy?  I am trying to do something for you and you keep telling me how I am suppose to react when I am doing it.”

Whoa – here are the moments I do not miss about dating.  The moments where miscommunication and annoyances strike and suddenly ordering sushi has warped into accusations and some version of a disagreement.  I quickly apologized (always my go to move to avoid actual conflict) and fell silent.  Finally despite my old ipad and slow internet, he ordered sushi and simply said in ice cold tone, “food is on the way.”

I jumped up with enthusiasm and suggested I take Benny for his bedtime walk before the food arrived so we could enjoy it and relax once it got here.  Despite the cold temperatures and awkwardness between us, Mr. Intellect offered to come along.  We took Benny for his ten minute walk and I had begun to salvage the rough start.  We found conversation and held hands as we returned to my apartment.

When we got inside, I began to take off my jacket, scarf and gloves at the table, when suddenly Mr. Intellect yells, “Damn it, Benny” and Benny offers an immediate whimper of pain.  I turn around alarmed that anyone would yell at my adorable pup, moreover cause him some sort of pain!  Benny is on the ground looking alarmed and sad.  Mr. Intellect is holding his head and looks very disoriented.  Someone just yelled at my baby love so I am angry!

“What happened?”, I asked as I immediately lean towards Benny to make sure he is okay after such a brutal verbal accusation.  Mr. Intellect mumbles, “He hit my head.  Hard.  I literally see stars.” Now that I’ve finally looked at Mr. Intellect, I can tell the man is really hurting.

“Shit.  He broke my f*%king glasses.”  Ut oh.  This had turned awful fast.  Mr. Intellect being so trendy and successful has awesome glasses.  They are large frames.  Plus he has a face that craves glasses, he looks naked without his glasses, the man wears his glasses 24 hours a day.  Mr. Intellect is the type of guy to the know the brand and make of his glasses.  (Salt - Darby)

 

 

I sit down next to him and stroke his back.  I apologize in every possible way that I can for the loss of his glasses and ask him if he needs anything for the pain.  To add insult he only says one thing, “Those were very expensive glasses.”

I am no fool.  I wear glasses.  I know a nice set of frames can cost you a pretty penny.  Moreover, I know that Mr. Intellect tastes are not cheap. I knew his glasses were expensive from the moment I need them and don’t want to feel even worse for this accident.  “Let me write you a check right now for your glasses” I plead.

He looked at me angry at this offer.  “I don’t want your money.”  As if me offering him money had been the wrong response.  I spoke too quickly, “Well I don’t want you holding this over my head or Benny’s head, so just let me pay.”

“You are honestly concerned I may hold a grudge against your dog.  That’s what motivated you. Don’t worry about my f*%king glasses.”  Wow – this was going so bad.  And then the sushi arrived.  At that exact moment where the only words left in the room were “f*%king glasses….”

After we ate the most uncomfortable dinner, Mr. Intellect finally said, “It’s over.  Let’s not talk about my glasses ever again.  It is over and I am not mad at Benny.  It was the pure definition of an accident.  I leaned down, he jumped up, couldn’t have been prevented.  But let’s not talk about it again. Ever again”

Oh great.  Perfect.  Glad that it is settled.  Somehow the way he said it was apparent that these glasses were going to be a huge factor in our future.  Mr. Intellect doesn’t live in Philadelphia so whenever he comes for dates there is a mutual understanding that he will be spending the night.  At 10:30 P.M. he said, are you sure I shouldn’t try for the 11:15 P.M. train.  My heart was crushed but I didn’t want things to end this poorly.  I convinced him to stay.  We drank too much wine and went to bed without so much as a sexy kiss.

My family and I laughed endlessly the next morning at the Thanksgiving dinner table.  My grandmother could not help but see the humor in Benny’s rambunctious behavior and his complete lack of awareness of what he had done.  My parents advised anyone who doesn’t like Benny won’t last long anyway.  Benny had become my dating body guard.  But was he right?  Should I end things?

The next day I got a text from Mr. Intellect, “No more awesome glasses.  Girl’s dog jumped into my face and broke them.  WTF.  Happy Thanksgiving to me.”  Obviously this message was meant for someone else.   I replied back “Girl also mentioned she was incredibly sorry and offered to pay.”  Mr. Intellect was caught red handed.  He had seriously referred to me as girl after two months of dating and obviously this glasses thing was not over.

After many calls to my insurance company, I was able to have Mr. Intellect glasses paid for under my renter insurance.  I was thrilled with this news.  Benny could no longer be blamed.  It had taken me 4 long phone calls and lots of discussion with customer service to get this non covered claim covered anyway because it was really stressing me out! 

When I phoned Mr. Intellect, he was not that excited at all.  Granted it was now over a month later and we had never once mentioned the glasses again (as he so clearly desired).  He was surprised, “Oh you still worry about that.” Umm, yes I do! Like every time you say you can read something because you don’t have your glasses, I feel bad. 

Mr. Intellect received a large check to replace his classes on January 4.  He has still not replaced his glasses.  Oh the joys of dating and dog owning.  I am glad we didn’t break up because of Benny and realized that life is full of uncomfortable moments – with dating – with friends – with family, but you have to learn to push through.  Decide which relationships are worth fighting for and which problems you are responsible to fix.  Don’t let the guilt own you.  Accidents happen!

In sum, I didn’t want to stop dating a great guy because we had one weird night and my dog broke his glasses.  But at the same time, it was really uncomfortable, made me feel really vulnerable, and would have probably been easier just to have ended things right then and there.  For me getting his glasses replaced with minimal amounts of drama was extreme growth.

Oh Benjamin – what will you do next?