Things with Mr. Intellect and I are progressing into some
sort of unspoken relationship. We date
consistently and exclusively but have avoided adding a title to this
situation. There are so many things that
I do enjoy about Mr. Intellect yet at the same time there are things holding me
back from fully plunging into a relationship.
First, the positives – Mr. Intellect is the most mature
person I have ever dated. He has a
challenging career and is very much an emotional and people person. He rarely arrives at a date empty handed and
is constantly spoiling me with flowers, chocolates, and bottles of wine. He is easy to talk to and well spoken. We both have a passion for words and stories
and he keeps me on my toes intellectually when we are together. Plus along with
being the most mature, he is also the most fit person I’ve date. Mr. Intellect is a total cross fit junkie and
has an intensely sculpted body overflowing with muscles in every location.
Now you ask, well what on earth could be the problem? We typically date once a week which for Mr.
Intellect is not nearly enough time despite us living about twenty minutes
apart and each having demanding careers.
So here is the current pattern.
We hang out and have a great time together. There may be one or two things he does during
that time that agitated me or annoy me, but most of the time I keep that to
myself. We separate and I am left
feeling giddy for about the first 24-48 hours and then I start to get inside my
head.
I’ve been trying to
down play my feelings for Mr. Intellect.
I remain guarded and have said if this ends I will feel bummed but will
not cry. I haven’t quite allowed myself
to feel that major emotional connection and am worried about becoming dependent
on his attention. I know all too well
how quickly a relationship can end and the pain that come from trying to mend
yourself after you gave pieces of your heart away to another person.
That said, it is becoming more and more obvious that I am
enjoying my time with Mr. Intellect. He
has me checking my phone multiple times a day and anxious for a new text or
snapchat. Let me tell you, this alone
drives me insane. I do not want to be
all anxious and distracted about whether I am or am not receiving messages from
some guy – albeit amazing or not. I am
going to keep trying but with every positive experience comes another wall for
me that has to come down.
I’ve never dated like this before and I do not intend to end
it just yet. My motto remains do know
harm. I’ve been the most authentic
version of myself that I am capable of being and have been entirely transparent
with my fears of trust and commitment. I
am not entirely sure what I am looking for and I am not entirely sure if Mr.
Intellect would fulfill those needs. But
for the time being, can’t a girl just accept flowers and lovely dates with
stimulating conversation and not overanalyze the future?
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